Products

I Wish Pets Lived Longer, Life Wasn’t So Expensive, Cake Didn’t Make Me Fat, and People Weren’t Idiots T-Shirt

I Woke Up Early This Morning There Was No Worm T-Shirt

I Wonder What the Part of My Brain That Used to Store People’s Phone Numbers Is Doing Now? T-Shirt

I Would Be Unstoppable If I Weren’t Slightly Unhinged and Easily Distracted T-Shirt

I Would Like to Apologize to Anyone I Have Not Yet Offended Please Be Patient, I Will Get to You Shortly T-Shirt

If Anxiety Burned Calories, I’d Be a Supermodel T-Shirt

If Chaos Had a Queen, I’d Be Ruling the Whole Damn Kingdom T-Shirt

If I Offend You, Cry Me a River I’ll Bring Snacks & a Raft. I Will Literally Float Down Your Tears, Eating Chips & Working on My Tan T-Shirt

If I Owned a Taser, I’d Probably Taser Myself And That’s Why I Don’t Have One T-Shirt

If I Say ‘First of All’ Run Away Because I Have Prepared Charts, Data, Research, and Will Destroy You T-Shirt

If I Wanted To Hear From An Asshole I Would Have Farted T-Shirt

If I Was Skinny & Mentally Stable, I Would Be Unstoppable T-Shirt

If Life Gives Me Lemons, I Throw Them at People T-Shirt

If My Dog Doesn’t Like You, Chances Are High I Won’t Either T-Shirt

If You Can’t Dial 911 With Stab Wounds, You Better Flirt With Your Own Husband T-Shirt

If You Don’t Like My Attitude Quit Talking To Me T-Shirt

If You Don’t Like the Way I Do Things Please Feel Free to Mind Your Own Business T-Shirt

If You Feel the Need to Point Out That I Look Tired The Least You Could Do Is Make Me Coffee T-Shirt

If You Think This Silence Is Awkward Just Wait Until I Start Talking T-Shirt

If You Want to Do Something Nice for Me Today, Leave Me Alone. Life Is Hard Enough Without Your Bullshit T-Shirt

If You’re Waiting for Me to Give a Sh*t You Better Pack a Lunch, It’s Gonna Be a While T-Shirt

Ignorance Can Be Educated, Crazy Can Be Medicated But There’s No Cure for Stupid T-Shirt

In Alcohol’s Defense, I’m Perfectly Cap­able of Doing Dumb Stuff When I’m Sober T-Shirt